Tuesday, January 7, 2014


Don't get me wrong...I used to LOOOOVE worksheets as a kid. I could crank them out in epic proportions that would send most other kids into tearful fits of inadequacy. And the smell of fresh (and slightly damp) mimeograph was better than chocolate ice cream or cherry Kool-Aid.

BUT. My kids get some homework at times that I find pretty ridiculous. I know teachers are just following the curriculum, but every once in a while something comes home in a homework packet that pretty much makes me want to lose my mind. Not only do I not even understand it myself, but then I am put in the awkward position of having to try to coach my kid through this bizarre thing that would be quite a bit more educational if simply set on fire.

Today's example.

First of all, why does a polar bear need to wear pajamas? I was with it on the warm and cold, but then I lost it on dirty. Are you saying bears are clean but that they suck at doing laundry? Or they are dirty and their pajamas are clean, therefore they are clean with pajamas, at least on the surface? Are you well rested because you are wearing pajamas, or is it after you wake up and take them off then you are well rested? Because all first graders know that most animals are clothed at night and naked during the day, right? Furthermore, in order to sleep well you must wear pajamas and so that makes you happy? Or does naked make you happy? Or is this whole thing sad because now my kid is going to think that polar bears are wardrobe conscious? And here is your Bonus Box word: NORMAL.

I don't blame the teachers. I just wish that people who design curriculum and the associated materials would even occasionally emerge out of their bubble long enough to take an objective look at their stuff. I want those people in a conference room reviewing this year's release and for someone in the room to have the courage to pipe up and say, "OK, seriously, what the fuck is with the polar bears in pajamas?! Take it out." And when that happens, I want to buy that person a drink.